The Bridget Jones' Way
by geliasjones
Summary: Bridget is about to get married and she handles it like she handles everything, in other words completely irrational. Now complete.
1. being bridget

_Okay…well I apologise for the mistakes that surely has been made. First of all my language – it's because I'm Swedish (no, not everyone are as bad as me) and second of all, the story in itself. I don't really remember how the second book ends because I keep mix it up with the movie. And also I can't seem to remember exactly what happens on the whole, but I hope you'll enjoy it because I Loooove Bridget and had some fun writing this. _

_I do not own the story._

Chapter 1 – being Bridget

**Wednesday 7 February**

_weight probably more than ever but who cares! calories too much to count, cigarettes 2 (v.g) alcohol units 0 (exceptional! becoming sober woman with career and husband.) Approaching weddings one! (wouldn't want more – I'm not that kind of a Christian…actually I don't know what kind of a Christian I am…anyways - it's the perfect number really.) _

Oh, joy! Not only have I left stadium of tragic spinster, but I am girlfriend to top barrester with a great amount of hair. As if that wouldn't be enough, I am also his bride-to-be!

Nothing can ruin this. We will have the most wonderful wedding ever and I will look spectacular in my high-fashion dress with slimming effect and… right, tiny problem. Apparently it's not only when you're alone and unhappy that you take to many chocolate bars. When you have a proper relationship, (and not only a Cleaver one that's based on sex and distrust,) it seems as if you do other things than sleep together. We have dinner almost every night and of course he just have to tell me how little I eat, and insist on me taking another portion. And, I mean, If that what he wants then who am I to argue? Unfortunately, it becomes fat even though I exercise every night. So my high-fashion dress with slimming effect might not fit anymore. Have to go down there tomorrow after work and check. How embarrassing can it be? They have to see lots of brides bigger than me…right?

**Thursday 8 February**

_weight too much to fit into wedding dress, calories 2856 (have to console myself with something) cigarettes 6,alcohol units 6 (modest really considering day from hell) approaching wedding still one. dress to wear during wedding 0._

God… the shop assistant was worse than my mum – and that's saying a lot. Because of mans quality of always hoping and to sometimes overestimate herself even I did today. Stupid dress wouldn't zip, ended up with me on the floor and assistant underneath. She didn't even get hurt and the frigid cow had the stomach to ask;

"Ever thought about dieting?"

Trying to come up with something smart to say back I found minimal tear on dress. Weighed between quickly get out of it so that she wouldn't notice until I was gone, (of course that would also include her seeing me in giant panties and fat legs, and I was already ashamed) or stand there with all the dignity I could procure until she left me to undress (however that would also mean there's a chance she would notice the tear). Luckily I didn't have to decide because she found the tear, tugged the dress of me, stared at my fat legs and gigantic panties and forbid me ever to come back to the store. As if I would have anyway…

**Friday 9 February**

_Weight still too much, calories 2000 (it's a start) cigarettes 23 (v.g) alcohol units 3 (but only out of solidarity) boyfriend still one _

Stupid boss had me do interview with second cow in two days - some fitness guru with awful lycra tights. All she talked about was how important it is to have a good health and to eat right. As if there's anybody who's not aware of that! The problem is to actually do it. Can they tell us how to do that instead? As she talked she looked at me as if she knew I didn't fit into my wedding dress. Oh stop it Bridge! There's no way she could have known I'm not one of the healthiest persons in England. Unless someone told her… Crap, I'm getting paranoid on top of all. Was getting so nervous I asked her if I could light a ciggie.

"Do you think that's very wise honey?" Oh God, she was actually patronising me! Have to think of something clever to say.

"Eh. No…Of course not. Just kidding." Crap.

That's it! Won't take more shit from anyone. Have a boyfriend who loves me just as I am and he just can't wait to see me tonight. Right. Wonder why he hasn't called yet… Ooh, the phone rings, I'm sure it's him.

"Hey you, what took you so long?" I said in my most seductive voice.

"Oh, don't be silly you never wait for my calls." It was mum. Sigh.

"Mum…I thought it was Marc."

"Sure you did, anyway, when will I get to see the dress? You know I have to see it. No offence darling, but you don't have any taste when it comes to these things." Another sigh.

"The dress I had decided for kind of… well… it got torn. I have to get a new one." I said, hoping she wouldn't realise I was the one who did it. You can always count on my mum having faith in her daughter.

"How did you manage to tear a wedding dress so badly?"

"Doesn't matter. The point is I have to get a new one." I saw my chance to make her forget my little mistake the other day – "Maybe you could come and help me find it?" It was a lot harder to say than I thought.

"Wonderful! I'll see you Monday at five outside _a bride's best friend _then."

"Eh…maybe we could go to that new shop in the city instead? I heard they have a lot of nice dresses to reasonable prices." Silence.

"So you're not welcome to _a bride's best friend _anymore?Well, alright. I always wanted to see that new shop anyway. See you then. Kiss." That was actually quite nice to come from my mum. She probably had something on the stove so that she hadn't got time to make me feel bad. Anyway now…why hasn't Marc called yet? I think I'll call him.

"Hello Bridget, I was just about to call you." He answered in that loveable voice of his.

"Oh, okay. So are you coming soon or what? I'm starving."

"Yes, tell you what. You eat something then. I'm actually at the office with some papers that needs to be done before weekend, and I'm not really sure how long it'll take."

"But you'll be here later, right?"

"Ehm, don't you think it's unnecessary really? I mean you'll probably be asleep anyway and I don't want to wake you. I'll just come over tomorrow instead and make up for it alright?"

"Sure, no problem." I said in a false indifference.

"Great. I love you, you know that?"

"Yes, love you to."

"Bye then." Followed by that horrible signal that says _He doesn't want to talk to you anymore! _We're not even married yet and he already avoids me. Now, really, I'm just being stupid.Sure he had to work. He is a successful barrister.

But I wanted him to wake me up. I really needed his arms around me tonight. Oh Fuck. Can't be alone now if I want to fit into my next dress – I'll call Jude.

"Hi, Bridge." Something was wrong.

"Is it Richard?"

"Yes…He…I think he's having an affair!" Her voice broke down. I went there immediately.

**01: 54**. Men are assholes. Have been with Jude all evening for comfort. She was drinking – a lot. So I understood I had to take at least some, I mean you can't be unsensitive in times like these. Poor Jude, Richard is such an idiot! I know you should never jump to conclusions, but this time it seems as if he really does have an affair. Maybe Marc has one to. NO! shouldn't think about things like that. Must sleep.

**02:30. **Maybe some chocolate would do me good. Yes. What better substitute till sex is there, than a bit of heavenly chocolate full of sugar that just melts in your mouth. Actually, I would never tell Marc, but sometimes – it's better!

**03:26. **Shouldn't have eaten that last bit, will never fit into dress. This never happens after sex. Boy I would need that fitness guru here at these times. I'm sure I would never eat as long as she's looking. But looking at it from the bright side; Marc is probably having an affair with Rebecca-like girl and then I don't have to get married! So, I don't have to fit into dress. Can eat chocolate till I die fat and alone, to eventually be found half eaten by Alsatian dogs. Yes, great plan.

God, I miss him.


	2. fair wind

_Thank you so much for all the nice reviews! I hope you'll like this following chapter as much as the last one. _

_I do not own the story_

Chapter 2 – fair wind

**Saturday 7 February**

_Weight mercifully scale has broken down, calories 3000 (all from chocolate bars and wine) cigarettes 17 (but it's only morning) alcohol units 2_

**14:47. **Morning consisted in me lying in front of telly watching some soap opera. During witch I ate tons of chocolate and drank modest amount of wine. My hair is not from this world and I haven't got the energy to do something about it. But it's only natural to wallow when boyfriend leaves me for some Barbie. Crap, the phone rings…too far away….I let the machine get it.

_Pip! _"Hi, love." It was Marc. Why was he calling?

"I'm guessing you're in the shower or something so I'll just let myself in."

Sounds of key twisting the door open. Sweet Jesus! Maybe he hadn't broken up with me yet. He would though if he saw me now. I sneaked away to the bathroom and silently closed the door at the same time as he got into the apartment.

**Sunday 8 February**

Wonderful, wonderful Marc. He wasn't gonna dump me. When I had gotten out of the shower I asked him what was going on, and he made me realise what a big idiot I've been. He then took me to dinner at some fancy restaurant and we had great make-up sex (if you can call it make-up when I was the troublemaker and Marc didn't even know about it). Correction; Men aren't asses. However they do have one and it's pretty damn cute!

**Monday 9 February**

weight not to much to fit into new dress, calories 1876, cigarettes 3, alcohol units 1 (had to celebrate new dress) bridegroom 1 (and he's perfect)

**07:05.** Woke up this morning to find bed empty and note on cushion. _I can't wait to marry you_ was perfectly written on it. Naaw. Okay, have to get ready for work.

**18:45. **Met mum after dinner at new bridal shop. After complaining about my hair she introduced me to shop assistant with words;

"This is my daughter. Do you have any dresses in her…ehm…size?" I've always wondered why I have such a total lack of self confidence…

Great. I was wearing a meringue. It had pink ribbons and lilac bows. I knew I shouldn't have brought mum.

"You look just lovely, doesn't she?" Mum turned to the assistant.

"Those are so your colours." She said, trying to sound as if she actually meant it. I failed in my attempt of smiling back to her false I-really-just-want-to-sell-something-you-look-awful glare.

"Maybe you have something less…big?"

"But that dress is so cute. Why do you have to be so difficult?" Mum said annoyed. But this time I wouldn't give in. I mean – how many times do you get married, (if you're not Elizabeth Taylor or Scarlett O'Hara?)

"I don't want to look cute. I want to look beautiful and gracious." At the last word the assistant looked at me as if I was crazy. Maybe I was, but I refused to wear this. The wedding would have to wait until I had the perfect dress.

"If you don't have anything else I guess we'll just have to go somewhere else." I stepped of the little podium in front of the mirror. This was a new side of me I didn't recognise. But I liked it!

"We can always look at these ones. They're reduced because they're last season." With a sigh she drew apart a curtain which concealed about a dozen dresses. Hah!

Okay, my new dress is not like the old, but it's reduced in price and I won't have to look like a cream cake. Plus – I can zip it standing up. Small step for man kind, big step for Bridget.

**Friday 13 February**

_Weight well I haven't got the scale fixed yet, I'm not stupid. Calories 1402 (v.g) cigarettes 5, alcohol units 0 (so far but I'm going out tonight)_

Finally night out with friends so that I can tell them how wonderful Marc is, and that my life is going the right direction once and for all. Okay for now then. It's a shame Jude has to be so miserably now, then I can't brag about boyfriend as much as I would like to. I always get depressed when they are and I don't feel like that now. When I am down in the dumps then they are welcome to come and wallow with me. But no, they always pick the worst times. Oh, and also it is sad because she's my friend and I want her to be happy and have a nice life. I do care… really.

**03:38. **wonderulf evning… love evjyvone

**Saturday 14 February**

_weight still don't know (hoping for about 58, feel like 108) calories 2046, cigarettes 3 (v.g) alcohol units 2 (it is valentines day after all!)_

I think someone put my head in a vice last night. Feeling pretty nauseous right now, have to get better before Marc comes here. I'll take a shower.

How sweet it is to stand under the flowing water and just let it wash away all troubles. God bless the man (or woman, let's not discriminate now) who invented the shower.

Yesterday was a blast. Have got great friends who care about my life, well, they pretend to at least. Jude was actually not a dull and didn't mention Richard until after midnight. When Shaz so gently asked;

"So what's up with Richard? Does he fuck someone else or what?" Silence. Jude looked as if she was going to cry. Tom took Shazzer's glass and said as an excuse;

"She's had too much to drink." Which probably was true, but who hadn't by now? Jude laughed, which was the whole point, I understood so analytical that I surprised myself. He can be cute, Tom, when he wants to.

Jude then told us that she hadn't yet asked Richard about it, because she hadn't got any proof, she said.

"He would just deny it and I would cry. Better to ignore the problem I think." That might as well could have come from my mum.

Today Marc and I had cosy dinner at his place. After that we ate some chocolate and after that we…well let's say his sheets aren't as perfectly fold anymore…

**Wednesday 18 February**

How boring a week can be when you know what awaits you next holiday. It's crazy how much you can long for a person when you think about how well you did without him, before you met. Actually that's not true. I was a wrack before and I think I knew on some level that he was out there. Yes, might even be psychic. Interesting thought.

Today I realised we haven't decided the place for the wedding yet. And Marc who's such a perfectionist! The wedding's just two months away (I've always wanted a spring wedding). The reason I realised we should probably get a move on was that our invitation cards came today. There's an empty space underneath: _place and date._ Have to talk to future husband. How great it sounds – my husband. Have to say it out loud, taste the words.

"This is my husband, Marc. This is Marc Darcy – my husband. May I introduce you to Mr Darcy – top banister and MY husband. Good evening my queen I'm Mrs Marc Darcy. Bridget Jones-I mean Darcy! …Bridget Darcy?" That sounded awful. Fuck.

"Why haven't I thought about this before…?" I probably said out loud since my boss stepped into the room asking;

"Thought about what?"

"Just how….awful it is in the middle east." I said sawing the situation. Cause it would have been lots worse actually telling him about my name problem. Now he just thought I was stupid. He wasn't the only one.

"Right… Can you be a doll and check this up for me?" He asked with a grin and threw me some papers.

"Sure thing. Right on it!" He disappeared. Just as soon as I've checked my email and available churches!


	3. Bridget Darcy?

_Thank you everyone for the positive reactions! I apologise for writing Swedish kilos instead of pounds, hope you don't mind…_

_I don't own the story!_

Chapter 3 – Bridget Darcy?

**Sunday 19 Mars**

Dinner at Magda and Jeremy's tonight. This time I don't have to be the poor spinster though so it will probably be lots more fun. Soon I will also be one of these smug married couples. However it will only be the four of us tonight so I don't get so show everyone how happy I am. Must stop doing that! I'm not marrying Marc only to brag. That's just a bonus!

Phone rings.

"Bridget Jones, soon to be Darcy!" Ugh, I could never get used to Darcy. I mean, it was great, as long as my name wasn't in front of it…

"Hi Sweetie." How nice, dad called.

"Hi dad, how's it going?"

"Just fine."

"Great!" Silence "Well, I'm fine too…And Marc also. We've found a place for the wedding!"

"That's wonderful." Silence. "Your mum wants to talk to you, bye." He's not much of a talker my dad.

"Hello dumpling! I was just at the Alconbury's and you can never guess what they've just bought - a new plasma TV! As if they don't' sit around on their asses too much already. I mean what's the point really? Your father and I were thinking about visiting your sister after the wedding. By the way, how come you haven't set the place for the wedding yet? What were you thinking? You know there's a long waitlist for these things…" Probably cause my mother talked enough for both.

"We have decided and booked the church now mum. But I haven't really got time to talk to you right now. Marc and I are having dinner with some friends. I have to get ready."

"Oh, how nice. Listen, don't wear that purple sweatshirt only – it makes you look plump. We don't want that man of yours to change his mind do we? Kiss." Great. Now I had to change my sweater! Why did she always have to make me feel bad about myself? Maybe because she was jealous of something I had! But no, what would that be? She had done this long before Marc so it couldn't be him. Maybe it was my lank hair or my flattering rump fat… Maybe it was just her way of saying she cared. There's no way I'm going to treat my children that way! Also something I should discuss with Marc. And that thing about sending the kids of to boarding school – not happening! These were probably things that we should discuss before the marriage, or not. I mean I don't want him to change his mind do I? Fuck, that was mums words. Okay then…I will talk to him…I'll do it tomorrow, or the next day.

Marc brought me a rose when he came to pick me up. A little cliché I admit, but still, very sweet. When we arrived to Magda and Jeremy's it took a whole lot of time until someone actually opened the door. And they looked as if they had been doing something very breathtaking just seconds before. Hmmm. Marc took the words out of my mouth asking (while they went into kitchen and we hang up our jackets);

"So, do you think they had sex just now or what? I grinned back at him.

"Maybe they have. You know I've always seen them as the perfect couple. One of those who never falls into just routine."

"Then that is what we should do. Every time someone's coming over, we should have sex just before."

"Yes. We should do that." I laughed and kissed him gently on the mouth. Magda stepped into the hall.

"So are you coming or what?" She said, a bit irritated, I think.

Later after dinner when we had told them all about or upcoming wedding, I asked them how it was like to be married. If it was any different from being engaged except for on papers of course. They looked stunned really.

"Oh, well… You know, it's great!" Jeremy said talking to his empty plate. Magda got up and started to clear the table.

"Everybody's eaten? No point of having the plates still here then. I'll just take it out to the kitchen."

"I'll help you!" I offered. She nodded and gave me a hardly noticeable smile.

When in kitchen she avoided looking at me.

"So you liked the salmon?" She asked.

"Yes. Magda, what is going on?"

"What do you mean?" She said in a heartily tone I could tell was fake.

"Stop talking to the floor! What's wrong?" She finally looked up at me. But she looked too worried for me to feel good about my accomplishment.

"Jeremy and I are thinking about separating." Oh, no – trouble in paradise. "We- well we argue all the time. Like just now before you came. And I don't think I can handle it anymore." So that's what they were doing, and I though they were having sex!

"Magda, I'm so sorry." I said and hugged her. This was horrible. They couldn't separate! They were the only couple I knew who was happy. Or so I had thought. Maybe it wasn't possible to be happy after all? Both Jude and Magda were having troubles – and big ones to. Why should I be different from them? I was only kidding myself. There was no way I could handle this marriage thing.

"Forgive me Bridge, I'm totally spoiling this dinner. Let's get back out there with the dessert. I can be polite to Jeremy for one night, right?" She smiled at me. God I was so stupid. She tried to be strong and needed my support now and all I could do was think about myself.

"Yes, let's!" I said, trying not to sound too heartily but supportive at the same time. At least no one can call me a bad friend!

Rest of the evening went by in snail's pace. Marc kept throwing me perplexed glances and Magda and Jeremy asked us all kinds of questions to avoid having to answer any themselves.

We left early, and once outside Marc asked me what just happened.

"They have some troubles, I think." I said. This time I was the one talking to the floor, (or ground if you'd rather.)

"Hmm." Was Marc's response. "Hope they'll work it out." Oh, he so didn't understand the seriousness of the situation!

"Some things you cannot_ just work out!" _I started to walk faster.

"And why are you so upset?" He answered calmly. Did he not get this was gonna happen to us in a couple of years?

"Because she's one of my best friends that's why. I don't see how you can care so little. But on the other hand you're good at that." Okay, that's overdoing it but he did have some strange ideas about some things.

"Excuse me." He really didn't get it.

"You want to send our children of to boarding school for once, and you couldn't respect my feelings now but had to play upper class bitch. How will that be when we're married? If you always going to patronise me then there's no point in us getting married cause I'd always feel bad about myself. I'm already doing it tanks to my mum so I don't need it from you to." Marc stopped walking. I turned around.

"What?"

"So you're saying I'm a self-centred ass and that you don't want to marry me anymore?" NO!

"Yes…maybe." He got to know it's not true. Talk me out of it now. This is the way females work, we have to be sure that they'd fight for us. Why wasn't he saying anything?

"You know what Bridget, I'm sick of this. I have proved my love to you over and over again." True. "I couldn't wait to marry you and I thought that you felt the same way." I did. I do. "So I don't understand why you have to keep making up problems all the time. You obviously don't want to marry me." That's not it! " So I guess I don't think we should get through with this either then. I don't want to be the only on at the altar saying yes." I just stood there looking at him. Was that it? No, please-forgive-me-I-promise-we'll-never-turn-into-one-of-those-couples, thing?

"Well if that's how you feel than I won't take up any more of your time." He said, looking honestly sad. Say something Bridge! Tell him that you love him and don't want to loose him again, even if you're not sure this'll work. Tell him you overreacted or at least tell him something, but don't let him walk away! He turned around and started walking the other way. I couldn't move but just stood there, waiting for him to change his mind and come running back. He didn't. Damn my stupid pride, it had never kept me from doing idiotic things before. Why was it so hard to admit I couldn't live without him?

"I love you." I said quiet to the falling snow and watched the back of my future walk away.


	4. alone again

_Thanks again! And also I'm sorry I'm using Swedish time; don't know if it's supposed to be am and pm really. _

_I don't own the characters, but I think Helen might have based Bridget on me ;P_

Chapter 4 – Alone again

**Monday 20 mars**

_weight loss not existing, boyfriends 0, life none_

Why? Why do I always have to screw things up? My life was as perfect as it would ever be. Equally important question; why didn't Marc ever fight for me? Okay, I know he got me out of gaol and all but he can't live on that forever. And besides I mean these little things. I needed him to be my knight in shining armour since I'm so totally fucked-up myself. Maybe we weren't right for each other then, this might be the best thing after all…yes… Then why did it feel so wring? I can't think now…no, I need some sugar to calm down.

Am so upset I can't even eat, this has never happened to me before.

Why didn't Marc just call? Maybe we could work it all out if he only called. I'm actually thinking about calling him even though it's against all my principles. No! I can't call…I don't know what to say…

Obviously you should only marry men you didn't like. Then you wouldn't have to feel like this and still be invited to smug-married couple's dinner. Huh, never thought I would live my life after Scarlett's philosophy…

**A much too shiny day at 14:00**

Don't even know what day it is. Have called in sick at work, stopped answering the phone and have not left bed for more than 3 minutes a time. I'm turning into one of those tragic women you read about and swear you'll never become. But who cares really? Have nothing to live for anymore…not even the fact that I'm probably lost a lot of weight can sheer me up. Who would notice anyway?

Phone…again….won't put my hopes up that it's Marc cause I know It's not. He's also very proud, that was probably the only thing we had in common…apart from sex.

"pip"

"Bridge, I'm getting fuckin' worried…And you know I never worry." Shaz. That was true…However not enough to get me out of this bed. I should change position though, can't feel my legs anymore.

**A very rainy day at 12:00**

Boss called earlier, said I'm loosing my job if I don't show up soon. Strangely enough mum doesn't seem at all worried. Probably thinks I'm too busy preparing the wedding. Typical really, she's always worried about my life when everything's fine.

**19:00. **Someone's outside ringing the doorbell. Fine! Continue, see if I care!

Okay, it's getting annoying now; pillow won't drown out the sound. Have to get up… Better not be Jehovah's witnesses!

It was Jude, Shazzer and Tom. They did look worried really. After a glance in the mirror it didn't seem very strange though. Still got last week's makeup on, hair like Edward Scissorhands and probably smell worse than… well everything.

They gave me some liquor and made me tell them what happened. I don't think I had any tears left but I cried anyways. Have to give them some credit for sitting so close by, and it felt a little bit better after I talked about it. Mostly I think it was their comments about Marc being such a dick. Always work giving somebody else all the blame.

I went into the shower next and when I came out it was freezing. They had opened all the windows and were busy cleaning my apartment. I started to cry again. Fuck.

**Monday 27 Mars**

_Weight 60 (yes I've bought a new scale) calories 1037, cigarettes probably 2000, alcohol units 3 (all after talking to mum) _

Refuse to live like this anymore. Can forget about Marc and be my old self again. Of to work then!

Boss looked very angry at first but changed to surprised as I entered.

"You look awful! What happened?" Just the thing I needed to hear. He continued before I had time to answer; "Forget it, I don't want to hear. You miss, just get back to work! And you better do good to make me forget these days."

And I did. Well, I tried to at least. You know that thing they tell you about work makes you forget all your problems? It's a big, fat lie.

**18:34. **Realised I had to cancel the church and tell everybody the weddings off. There's no chance Marc'll call and make up now, wouldn't mind making him pay for it all anyways, but it'd be pretty shitty having everybody come there for nothing.

It was hard enough thinking about cancel everything that I hadn't even considered the obvious. Marc had already declined the church and probably told all those who would have been friends of the groom. I should have realised that! I guess I was still hoping it'd happen.

What no doubt was going to be worst with all this was I had to call my mum.

"Oh, hello dumpling! I was just wondering why you haven't returned my phone calls." So she had at least noticed. "Is it the cake? It better not be the cake, I've called them three times already, they just can't do anything right, can they?"

"It's not the cake, mum."

"Then what is it? I haven't got all day you know!"

"The wedding's of." I hurried to get the phone far from my ear, preparing for the upcoming shriek.

Silence. "Mum…?" Weird. She hadn't hung up cause I could hear someone moving.

"Hello?" It was dad.

"Oh, hi dad. What happened to mum?"

"I don't know what you said to her, but it must have been awful cause she fell right down on the floor. Like a tree being cut down."

"Oh." Well that's a new reaction. Would have preferred the shrieking. "Is she okay?"

"Yes, but I think I should call 911, just in case."

"Okay, bye dad." Huh, go figure.

**Friday 14 April**

_weight 60 (but it has to be muscles, right?) calories 2007, cigarettes 6, alcohol units 0 (v.g!) trips to the gym 8 (and no, not to buy cake)…quite proud actually!_

I don't know how, but I seem to live on, taking things day by day. This work thing can actually be good, I just have to be really busy. The evenings are the hardest. I've even started to go to the gym (!) to keep myself from thinking too much. And if I do – I just run extra fast or hit really hard, pretending it's myself I'm running down, punching all the stupidity out of.


	5. emotional stupidity

_Thank you so much for reading and for the reviews. And mostly – thank you for liking it )_

_I don't own the story as you know_

Chapter 5 – emotional stupidity (or whatever the name is in english ;P)

**Saturday 15 April**

_Chances of me staying on this health thing and chances of me ever getting married both minimal_

Had rental movie night with ice cream and friends.

"So you're sure about this thing Bridget?" Tom asked.

"What thing?" I scooped a big spoon of ice cream into my mouth. I finally had my appetite back.

"Leaving Marc." Oh, we were going to talk about that now. I swallowed and it felt like razors down my throat. Maybe I wasn't over him after all.

"I'm not the one leaving, remember?"

Shaz jumped in, "Yeah, but what I think he meant is; are you sure it's fuckin' worth this just to keep your pride?"

"I thought you guys were on my side?"

"We are!" Jude said. "We just don't want you doing something you'll regret. You should really think about this…"

"And you don't think I have?" Christ, they were supposed to be supportive right now. "And who are you to talk?" I said to Jude. "If you want my opinion; you think about things way too thoroughly instead. If I were you, I would have left that cheating husband of yours a long time ago!" Jude was flushing.

"Actually Bridge….I didn't want to tell you because you've been so down about Marc, but it turned out he wasn't cheating. I was only overreacting, the only thing he was guilty of was surprising me with a trip to France next month." Typical! There's that timing again, I was now at such a good place that I could talk about Marc, but I still needed to wallow! And as always, there was no one to do it with.

"Good for you." I said, maybe just a little grumpy. "So should we look at the movie or not?"

"Yes!" Tom said and held up our choice for tonight. "This one always does the trick." It was 'Pride and Prejudice'.

**00:47. **Maybe I could wallow together with Magda? She was still unhappy about her marriage thing, I was pretty sure of it at least. Why hadn't I thought about this before? Would call her first thing tomorrow! Now will get some sleep…

**01:10. **How come Jude has better man than I did? Marc never surprised me with trip to France.

**01:32. **The movie was good though, you got to love Mr Darcy…How come Marc never bathed with white shirt on just for my pleasure? Wish I could marry Colin Firth instead! But wait, Bridget Firth didn't work either. Why did I have to have such a crappy name that didn't fit with anything? Bridget Gable was awful, Bridget Pitt didn't work, Bridget Ledger was definitely wrong (not to mention child-kidnapping!) and Bridget Cleaver was….oh, shit! Of all the perverts in this world why did my name have to fit with his? I am so screwed…

**02:02. **Ugh, can't stop thinking about Cleaver being my husband… would that be a total disaster or what? Ridiculous really…

**02:18. **Come to think of it… How many times hadn't I fantasised about Mr Darcy being my husband? And how many of those times have I actually dismissed it because of name matches? I would so not turn a certain Pitt down either because of some name issue. Ha! I read somewhere it means 'dick' in Swedish! Is that hilarious or what? Anyway Bridget Darcy wasn't as bad as the rest of the celebrity weddings….Not that it mattered. Marc hated my guts, and I didn't blame him. How often do you hear of people turning down true love because of his/ her name? I so needed to sleep now, maybe I would be able to think straight in the morning….without hoping too much…

**Sunday 16 April**

_Weight 60 (muscles plus ice cream) calories 2054, cigarettes 14, alcohol units 3, brain cells none whatsoever. _

Oh, God. Have just talked to Magda.

"So what did he do really?" I asked her.

"Who? Jeremy?" I nodded with a look of compassion. "Oh, he didn't do anything really… we're just falling apart." I looked at her completely stunned.

"But, if he didn't do anything… what's wrong then?"

"Oh, Bridge. You have so much to learn about marriage. It's absolutely not his fault, if anything it's mine. You know how paranoid we women get sometimes?"

"Yes." I said, wishing I wouldn't be as familiar with it as I was.

"And I think that's what started it. We didn't understand each other all the time. I mean, we loved each other and that was more important so we lived on. I don't know why really, but now it's not enough anymore." Holy crap. I had hoped so much that it would be all his fault so that I could continue blaming everything on men. Maybe this whole Marc-thing was my entire fault? And now Magda wouldn't even wallow with me because she was very mature about this. She said she would take the day as it came and that it was best what happened. Very grown-up like. I wonder how she does that.

"So it was actually unnecessary marrying him, right?" I was grasping at thin air here, getting pretty desperate by now.

"Oh, no! I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It has been some wonderful years. We'll divorce as friends."

"Good for you!" Magda looked at me in horror. I guess I didn't succeed in my attempt of looking indifferent.

"Oh, honey I'm so sorry. Of course this doesn't always happen. When you're as perfect for each other as you and Marc there's really no need to worry." Great.

"Uhm, there's something I have to tell you…"

So trip to the gym then! Maybe some beats on the sack and then a muffin to calm down. (You need carbohydrates after a workout session to build up the strength, right?)

* * *

_I know it's not happening anything interesting but I hope you'll think so soon enough. However, it might take me some time to update now, have a lot of things to do…sorry_


	6. a good plan

_Sorry, wrote about 'Bridget Darcy' never being thought of when actually she says it with joy in second movie! Guess my memory's not very good, huh? _

_Oh, well…here you go…._

_And sorry for the story missing! Don't know what happened / _

**Chapter 6 – a good plan**

**Monday 15 May**

_Weight 61 (good) calories 1437 (v.g) alcohol units 0 (v.v.g) _

At work again. Well…clearly you work more than once so the 'again' was a bit unnecessary. Anyways, have noticed small change in body due to work-out therapy. The clothes do fit better now. It's not very uplifting though when you realise I had Marc to go with my old fluffy bottom.

Oh, here comes Charlie, a geek with a bit less hair than the average.

"Hello, Bridget."

"Hi Charlie." Why was he staring so stupidly at me?

"How's it going?" And what's with that geeky smile?

"Fine thank you. And you?"

"Well I… I was actually wondering if you would consider going out with me?" I guess I just stared at him cause he continued;

"Nothing fancy of course, just a lunch or something." Oh, God. How do you say no to these things? First of all I hadn't even gotten over Marc yet, and this was a guy I would never be interested in even if I had. Not that I'm picky, I just prefer the ones who sweat less, or at least use a deodorant for the smell.

"Well, Charlie… I don't know. Why would you want to go out with me for? I'm a wreck really."

"I know about your crashed wedding plans and all… but it's just… I can't wait any longer cause I'm scared you'll be with someone else by then. And I think you're gorgeous really." Excuse me! He thought I was gorgeous. That's new.

"What? Are you serious?"

"Of course. I've wanted to ask you out for a very long time, but when I finally decided to you were already going steady with Marc." He was looking at the ground, twisting his foot as he spoke.

"I think you're perfect." Oh my! I almost fell of my chair. No one had said that to me before. I've never actually had a boyfriend who adored me so completely. So he was a little geeky, but I bet he would never send our children to a boarding school or act like an arrogant ass. Maybe I should see him, just once wouldn't hurt would it?

"Well…okay. When shall we meet then?" No, this was not because I needed a confidence-boost. He could be really nice… well alright it's not ONLY because I need a confidence-boost. It was free lunch too!

**Tuesday 16 May**

_Weight 61 (keeping it pretty steady) calories way too much (Had to pay my own lunch and ate a cake instead of real lunch, which lead to later being hungry again and so I HAD to eat some chocolate! Stupid Charlie's fault.) cigarettes lost counting (also Charlie's fault. Made me nervous!) Normal guys to date none, creepy guys to date one too much._

As if! He didn't have enough money to survive, he said, if he had to pay for both of us. Not that I'm old fashioned or something, but he asked me out. Plus I could never be with a guy who had worse economy than me. I mean who would pay for the wedding? My parents spent those money years ago when they considered the chances of me ever getting married was too small to count. Unfortunately, they had been right.

Mustn't worry about that. Not all that matters in one's life has to do with husband, kids and mini breaks. God I miss those mini breaks! Yes, even if they had all been disasters.

Okay, back to Charlie. He was like a dog, he wanted to do whatever I wanted to and he liked whatever I liked. So it was fun being adored, but if I don't end this now, I'm afraid I'll find him on my doorstep someday, with a leash in his mouth, begging me to walk him.

**Wednesday 17 May**

_Hearts that has been broken due to me being perfect 1 (and it was about time!)_

It was so awful. I felt like I broke his heart. I have never broken someone's heart! At least not that I know of… maybe Marc is heartbroken now, waiting for me to come and tell him…anyway! I don't feel a bit better with myself after dating Charlie. Will now only date men who has an own will and will pay for dinner. They will have to have great hair, a nice smile and a tendency of spoiling me at mini breaks. They shan't be emotional stupid or look at other women either. Great plan! …Something seems to mess up all my plans though…Will be extra careful with this one.

**Friday 18 May**

_Reasons why Bridget should never make up plans about a thousands_

Holy mother of Jesus! Daniel Cleaver walked into the same store that I was at. Pretended I didn't see him. I was very interested at reading on the back of those…plums. But no, he came over anyways.

"I wouldn't eat those if I were you. Marc's not gonna want to sleep beside you after that." Oh, stupid Daniel, he had to mention Marc, hadn't he? Now I couldn't even pretend all was fine.

"Actually….we're not together at the moment." He looked honestly surprised.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Don't be silly. You probably couldn't be happier about it." A smile spread to his face.

"Now Bridge, that's cruel. It would have been fun to see you get married. Besides now I can't put the accomplishment of sleeping with two of his wives on my list, can I?"

"You're still as mean and pervert as always I see." I started to walk away.

"Jones, wait. I'm sorry, it was a bad joke. Please forgive me."

"No, I will never forgive you! You left me in Thailand and in that prison because I wouldn't sleep with you! And you always have some really good excuse for everything that ends up being a fat lie." It was good telling him what I had always wanted to. Why did he have to look so genuinely sad then? And gorgeous? Shit!

"I really am sorry for that Thailand thing. I promise you I didn't know they were going to keep you. I just thought it was some stupid mix up or some silly… seashell smuggling. And if you would just have lunch with me I will explain everything about my stupidity. …Please." I really shouldn't.

"I'll pay of course."

"Well, okay…" Oh, bugger!


	7. regrets

_I'm sorry it has taken so long, and it will probably keep taking a lot of time. But here it is anyway! I'm sorry about the spelling mistakes and as usual I don't own the story._

**Chapter 7 – regrets**

**Saturday 19 May**

**10.00**

I think I might just have done the dumbest thing of my life. Yes, I slept with him. And I had been so good and refused him before, forgotten all about him just to be right back where I started my diary at the first place. Stupid Bridget's stupid plans that never works. I think I only accepted his lunch offer for the same reason I went out with Charlie – I feel lonely. So because I miss Marc I have now slept with his archenemy to accomplish nothing good but push him and our future further away. On top of that, Daniel's still in the bedroom. Have to think out some good excuse to get him to leave as quickly as possible. And God, he just can't tell Marc about this! He wouldn't, would he? Panic attack! Okay, I'm sure now. I have just done the dumbest thing of my life. Except for dumping Marc. Three times. And that time when I wore that bunny costume. And all the times I've trusted Daniel. And that drug guy in Thailand… Okay, this is for sure ONE of the dumbest things I've done in my life.

**11.00**

I wonder how long he's going to sleep. Maybe I should wake him up. Or maybe I should take some wine. Yes, I'll definitely take some wine.

**11.30**

Just find the album with pictures of me and Marc. He is so cute. And I look so happy. I was happy… fuck, fuck, fuck!

**12.30**

Daniel woke up just in time to find me sobbing in the living room. I had the album on my knees and a glass of wine in my hand. His smile faded from his face and he slowly came nearer.

"You don't have to pretend that you care. Please just go." I said, wiping the tears off my cheeks. I didn't really care that he saw me like this. I didn't really care about anything.

"I just have to know that you're not sobbing because of me. I mean I thought I was pretty good last night." He smiled at me and I think I actually smiled back. He sure could lighten up any situation. His problem was to know when he should be serious. This was not one of those serious moments. I couldn't stand for him to be serious now.

"So, what's the problem here?" He sat down on the armrest of my couch. I made a gesture at the album, and I swear he looked like E. Coyote when he realises he's running on nothing but air.

"Oh… Should have figured that one out on my own… Maybe I thought you'd finally realised what a dull he is."

"Why do you care anyway?" I asked. He really looked sad before he arranged his face to complete blankness.

"Well… you know we have been rivals for a time. Me and Marc.

"And who's fault is that now?" I asked sarcastically. He grinned back.

"And now he will be even more angry with me. I've taken the love of his life for a second time." I seized with panic.

"NO! You can't tell him Daniel! You just can't…! I felt tears beginning to run down my cheeks again… Oh, bummer. I didn't like the fact that he saw me this vulnerable. He looked down at me and took the album. He stared at the pictures as if he wanted something hidden to come forth. He sighed.

"I guess you really do love him huh?" I nodded and looked at him suspiciously. He gave me the album back, brushed a kiss on my forehead and got up.

"I hope Marc realises how lucky he is."

"But… You don't understand. It's all my fault."

"Oh, Bridget. Nothing can ever be your fault. You're so naive and…._weird_ – in a good way, that you never seem to realise what your capable of." I knew I should have been offended but it sounded so true. I sat up straight.

"What do you mean?"

"Well… I'm saying that I don't understand why you two always split up. If he only loves you half as much as you love him, you should get married and stuff…get kids so that you can mess them up. Cause he just have to live with the fact that you're always gonna be you." He looked sad but smiled at me.

"I'm saying Bridget, that you should go and get him." He started to walk away.

"So…you're saying… that you're not going to tell him then?" He laughed at me.

"This is what I mean Bridget… No. I won't tell him. I don't care for another fight anyways. He's pretty good actually. I wonder if they teach them that at that brat school…" And then he was gone.

Was he serious? Did he really think it possible Marc would take me back? Or was it all just a bad joke. But he looked so sincere. He had to mean it. However that didn't mean it was true. Just because he had been right about my stupid ness it didn't mean… but wait! Why did he know me so well? Does that mean that I should be with him instead of Marc? But I don't love Daniel… Now I should really need all my brain cells. I wish I hadn't drank all that wine.

It was a little chance that that Daniel meant what he said, and there was a little chance he could be right. But those little chances together had to be a decent chance. And it was worth it if I could get Marc back. Yes! I will do it. Bridget Jones is back in town!


	8. frankly my dear butt

_Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I know I've been a bit lazy lately but here you have the end. I hope you'll like it cause I felt a bit stressed when I realised I'm doing what I hate when others do – quit writing on a story I follow. Enjoy, I had fun )_

_And as you know…I don't own anything. Not even the computer I'm writing on._

Chapter 8 – frankly my dear butt… 

**Thursday 7 June**

_Weight 60 (v.g.) calories1976, cigarettes none! (Working on giving them up so that Marc will see that I'm ready to try harder this time. Plus – they're bad for your skin.) alcohol units 4 (nobody's perfect…)_

Right. I know I waited a bit long to tell Marc. But it's not like it's all been sofa time. Even though you should never underestimate the value of a good soap opera – they learn you things about relationships your parents would never dream about telling you. Something about learning the hard way or not wanting to teach the children that everything sucks. Cause it might turn out okay If you only believe. Personally, I think it's just a load of crap. "Learning the hard way" is just an excuse for the parents to see their children mess up there lives. Cause then there own life doesn't come out as bad in compare. I know that's what I'd do at least.

But like I said. I have been using this time to get healthier and to come up with something good to say when I see Marc. I still haven't got any ideas of what to say however, so I think I will just take it as it comes. Nobody want a learnt speech anyway, right?

So - I went home to Marc. And this beautiful girl with legs like Rebecca opened the door. She looked at me as if I was from another planet. I might as well have been, cause even with having spent hours in front of the mirror before coming there, I looked like a wreck compared to her. Her hair was all shimmering and her dress was so elegant and yet she had that casual look about her. I bet she's just one of those people who could walk into the Oscar's without anybody realising she shouldn't be there. And if she would sit in a cabin with a cup of hot chocolate she would fit perfectly too, like an ad. I wouldn't even be surprised if she woke up looking like that.

I was thinking that if I'm still not lesbian, nothing in the world could make me. Then I realised that I was just standing there, amazed, and the horrible thought hit me – why was she in Marc's house?

"Yes?" She asked. She sounded polite even though I could feel she was irritated. I wonder how she does that? ...

Back to reality Bridget!

Of course she wants me to go! She's probably having a wonderful time with my ex- could have been -husband. I prepared myself to get the hell out of there when I remembered Rebecca. How I had hated that woman – and still, everything had set out for the best. So I decided to at least try.

"Hello. I'm Bridget Jones." Goofy smile. "I wonder if I could talk to Marc for a minute. Or perhaps two." Nervous laugh.

"Well…I'm afraid not…" What! She would have him all evening and she couldn't even give me two minutes!

"… Cause there's nobody named Marc living here." Oh. Relief… quickly followed by confusion.

"So, when did he move then?"

"Actually I don't know. But my fiancé and I moved in about a month ago."

"Okay. Thanks."

"No problem." Breathe taking smile. Maybe I should ask her for some clothing tips. No, that would be weird. And it wouldn't matter anyway, cause I didn't have the legs. She closed the door and I walked away, quite shaken. She just couldn't be human that one.

**Friday 8 June**

Hours in the mirror for nothing last night. But now I have checked things up and I know where Marc lives. And most importantly – I know he lives there alone. Actually, he could have a cat, I bet they don't write in cats.

What's weird though is that he lives in a whole different place now. It's still a nice neighbourhood, but it's not as close to the city and it's not at all as expensive. I hope he hasn't got fired! Oh, come of it Bridget! That doesn't matter really cause I'd love him anyways. It's just a bonus that he's top barrister. A really nice bonus. Like the butt. The butt is such a great bonus.

I'm on my way then. In my best clothes and my new mascara. Nothing can go wrong. Oh, who am I kidding? Everything can go wrong! I'll just hope it wont.

**Saturday 9 June**

I met Marc outside his house. He was – listen to this – watering he's flowers! At first I thought it was the gardener, but then I noticed the butt. I looked at it for a while until some old lady walked by and gave me a disgusted look. Then I made my presence known by coughing very naturally and ladylike (– or not.) Marc turned around looking surprised, then he got up and looked very glad to see me, only to remain in the same place looking very indignant. I walked the few feet left so that we had a normal talking space.

"Hello Bridget. What do you want?" Nice. Very nice.

"If you don't want to talk to me than just say so. I'm not here to get money or anything if that's what you think." He looked as if he tried to tell whether I was telling the truth. Then he finally spoke.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't expect you to come by. Three months later."

"Well you're not so good at picking up the phone either." I gave him a friendly smile. I just couldn't be angry that he hadn't called right now. He smiled back and brushed some dirt of his kneed before removing the working gloves.

"That's true. Maybe that was the problem all the time. We wore both too proud." He sounded like it was no chance of making it right. It had to be!

"Maybe it was." I said. "But I think it also was my stupidity and way of always saying something else than what I mean." Ha! There you have for pride! I'm not too proud to admit my own mistakes.

"I guess that played a big part to." He laughed. "But then again my "upper class bitch" image didn't help much either."

"So you admit it, do you?" I was just teasing him. But he looked me in the eyes very seriously.

"Yes, I do. Even though I thought at the moment that you were overdoing it, I realised later you had a point. So I sold the house and moved here. Now I'm working on the upper class bitch thing so that the next perfect girl won't leave me because I fold my underpants." He was thinking about getting another perfect girl! So maybe this was no idea… but wait!

"You think I'm perfect?" He suddenly became very aware of his shoes and studied them for what seemed like ages. I held my breath.

"Of course I do. We just weren't perfect for each other."

"But see, here's where you're wrong! We were perfect because weren't. I liked that you folded your underpants and that you knew so many things. And I like to think that on the areas that you lacked in knowledge I could fill in. When you were too uptight I was too released, so that together we were perfect." Not so bad for someone who didn't have a speech, huh?

"Oh, Bridge. That sounds good. So why did it never work?"

"Maybe because we didn't talk enough about our feelings. Cause I know I sometimes felt things you never got to know because I couldn't express myself. But Daniel said…" Oh shit!

"Daniel!"

"Yes… I bumped into him." My turn to be aware of my shoes. " He said that he thought we were perfect. And I mean if he says so it has to be true, right? He also said that you should realise I will always be me, but that if you love me half as much as I love you… Like in I love you, Marc! Not as in Cleaver loving me…anyways…. Then you should be able to live with my abnormality." He actually smiled at me. Please God don't let this be the end of it. He must know by now I'm not interested in Daniel.

"Okay. If Daniel Cleaver says we're perfect…then as you say, it must be true. But Bridget I don't know if I can take splitting up many more times." Oh, he sounded really hurt.

"Three at the tops!" Then he gave me a smile that convinced me now and for all that I would never be able to love a woman. And never another man. Maybe not even a child - as much as I love him. I smiled back at him. And then I realised he had just made a joke, and a good one too. That was actually rare, so maybe we could change. I would start that honestly thing right now!

"I love your butt in those jeans…"

And one thing led to another… now I'm in Marcs bed. Thank god he hasn't started with cheap beds. I don't think I ever wanna leave this place. Let's hope I don't have to.

**Tuesday 12 June**

Wonderful life. Wonderful Marc. Wonderful butt. So we have yet again set a date for the wedding, this time in August. I've always wanted an autumn wedding. And this time I know we'll make it, even though we will have our problems. I have quit smoking for real (although I don't know for how long), and Marc has quit being an upper class bitch. It's like a fairytale… I'm going to be Bridget Darcy!

…I'll live with it.

The end

4


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